Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
