The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
