I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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