i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
