Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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