i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
