you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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