If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
