Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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