Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
