I love black thongs
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Let's get the cat blown out
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
