The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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