Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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