He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
