i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
