He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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