Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize