I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I pour the whiskey from now on
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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