You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
