Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have aggressive nipples.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
