My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
