Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
