if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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