So drunk its hurt
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
