I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
