This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
