At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
