Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
