He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I fill condoms, not promises.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
