And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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