Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
