Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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