Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My life is pants optional.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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