I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize