We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
