when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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