I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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