I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
