Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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