Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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