i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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