So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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