He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
