haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
