she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize