someone threw a dead crab at me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
