I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
