does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize