Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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