ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
