By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
A+ Viking dick
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
