How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
