Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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