so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
