somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
