What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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