she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
