This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
