There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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