I look better un-naked...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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