thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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