I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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