There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
All I want is dick and wine.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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