he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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