I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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