Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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