M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
