Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
