my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize