I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
