hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
