I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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