I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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