Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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