i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
