I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think my moral compass just broke
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
tell me about the eggs
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
