i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
