this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
