If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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