Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
