I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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