I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
