Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
