What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
