chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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