Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
