And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
