I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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