ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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