I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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