Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
