so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize