i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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