Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
