he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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