he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
