Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
