so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize