Why are handjobs necessary in class?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
