All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
