Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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