he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
