PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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