he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
