The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
