I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
