Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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