I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize