I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
