some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
