Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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