It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
