Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We have started to decorate penises.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
